When Before It Is Too Late

Life has just resumed

Hello from 2013. This is the same miserable person with that common silly dreams of getting back up again from 2007.

Yes, summer 2007.

It was the crossroad of this person's life. He has just put his life back together, looked up, and see the world back in those glory days again. Heartbreak has never consumed much of his time as before. Only the promise of another dream cured the crushed previous one.

Let's cue his life to the movies he saw and the soundtrack that he heard throughout his journey.

Going on

As a male, this guy throw everything he could to secure his place in love. It is an all or nothing gamble in a game where he has no knowledge at all. He might be a nerd, a geek, his fanboyish attitude towards anything aviation doesn't made him any less interesting than he already was. He is a little bit knowledgeable, have some considerable achievements, and not really the bottom most student, rather somewhere in the middle.

Like many other people of his age, he always wanted something more. It never bothered him before, but he arrogantly thought to himself that it was the time to make that decision. Yes, to share a lifetime with another person.

Simply put, it ended in disaster that took 2 years to fully recover. He never looked back ever since.

Summer 2007, it is all he remembered where he ended up in after those 2 years battle with his inner demons. He was in a theatre, surrounded by his family, he was in for a ticket treat to Transformers (2007) by Michael Bay. Boy, surely happy he was. It is his childhood memories after all, and not accounting all the posers and new fans alike, Transformers, the toys that made him different and outcast during Power Ranger era of his childhood has finally returned in a more dignified format: serious live action summer blockbuster.

But it wasn't that thing that was special about the moment. It was this song, played in tune to Sam "Spike" Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) and Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) romantic theme. Goo Goo Dolls played the melancholic music, in tune with the character's mood at that time. This guy is a rather shy geek, and so does Sam Witwicky. The difference is, Spike got a lucky encounter, while this guy never has.

So, the lyric went on like this:

I wander through fiction to look for the truth
Buried beneath all the lies

John Rzeznik, the Goo Goo Dolls vocalist sung all the bits from this song. The song clearly has numerous interpretation and meaning to its listeners.

However, geeks would have to admit that sometime in their life, they have fantasized about loving a fictional characters. We understood very well what is morbidity, and thus we question ourselves "is the feeling real?" What is it like to love a real person. We mean real person, not posers or karma chameleon, quick changing, self-serving free riders, which all are part of "the lies."

Some people take the lies despite how intelligent they think they are, because we clearly see it from our own eyes. But lies are never truly what they are in front of their prey, so we'll wait while thinking the worst for their victims. We are not an answer to their victim's curiosity, we are just another question. They just can't see beyond the lies.

Then the chorus, which is also the title of the song, reminds you of how it is being too late. But at the crossroad, the guy already have no idea of what is too late. At this point, he got nothing to lose. So he thought.

hold on before it's too late

The song continues until it reach this doppelganger part:
 

A life you don't live is still lost
So stand on the edge with me
Hold back your fear and see
Nothing is real 'til it's gone
 

If you think of all the choices you have, of what your life could have become if you took that different path, is all lost with time. It seems to this poor guy that all along in the love game, he chose every wrong path and never knowing why or how.

Back in summer 2012, this guy finally realized that during the song (summer 2007), he was going to greatly miss the greatest chance he could ever have. Adding more insult to the injury. Yes, 5 years later and the "too late" part finally came in 2013.

Soundtrack of Your Life

 At that time, he had chosen "I'm Still Here" by John Rzeznik

The typically emo-themed music from this Goo Goo Dolls frontman feels just right to him: 

And I want a moment to be real,
Wanna touch things I don't feel,
Wanna hold on and feel I belong.
And how can the world want me to change,
They’re the ones that stay the same.
They don’t know me,
'Cause I’m not here.

He was never really a popular guy, nor a bully subject. He was between the unseen, the geeks, the nerds that keeps to themselves. People will normally stay away from the association, but he couldn't find any better comfort rather than solitude.

When he wants to take on the whole world's advice of being "real." He was set back. Not only changing fashion was a task, changing your life pattern is a requirement. It taxes your sanity to be accepted by the lifeless people around you.

Being real is not real in its honest, pure, truthful meaning. "Real" as in what the world perceive to be "real." Including fantasies that the majorities were currently indulging in at that particular time.

So, as the lyric goes, it questions the world of who should have changed for real? Who understands him in the world of lies and deception? Or it simply means, he doesn't belong there.

He Belonged to Freedom

Of all posers, nobody would deny the awesomeness of showing off about having toured a foreign country, or speaking foreign jives. People yearn for the chance and totally abuse the privilege by being indignant in their indulgence over the new social status and appraising jealousy all around them.

Fate has put the guy sent into another world, where people doesn't define the boundaries between real or fantasy. The place where there are no voice telling every of us to change. Posers cannot see through all the lies that has blinded their eyes.

Like everyone living in exile, he only became wiser.

He began life and finally let it all go. His life was perfect. He was only 22.

He decided to return and sharing his life with whoever wanted to listen to him. He found many people like him, returning from exile, and has seen the different reality.

He kept his dream inside, not knowing that this world never changed. Only a few changed.

And suddenly, it is summer 2009. He was in the middle of Night At The Museum: Battle of The Smithsonian. He saw his hero Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) met Amelia Earhart (Amy Adams). A love for aviation and adventures, Amelia never cease to fill the imagination of every aviation enthusiasts around the world. When he saw her portrayed by beautiful actress Amy Adams, he was reminded about his dream. He couldn't be alone.

He was admired, but not listened. Youth is his fault.

He always believed that he was "too late" for something at that age. Yet the whole world still tells him all the same thing. It reminded him that the world has never changed. Only his dream kept him going on.

A Limit in A Human

On his way to reach his dream, he fell sick. He was too arrogant, filled with a little too much confidence. When he looked up, he then just realised that his dreams are only going further away from him. So he made that big decision to salvage whatever left out of it, and ready to sacrifice the big thing for it: his solitude and his lifetime hobby. He went back to love.

He completely forgot the "too late" part, seeking for the "real" answer coming from this world. Oblivious to all lies and blinded by the sickness, he seek for his dream of love.

But then he found out that he was nothing but on the losers' side that summer 2012. The story revealed that he was like 5 years too late. A chance he greatly missed to the world full of lies.

Believing that the game isn't over, he chose to consider himself as an underdog. He entered the waiting for the fall game. But he is simply looking for a cure he will never have.

So, in 2013 he finally accepted the answer. He was never belong to this world. His game is forever lost, he cannot afford another 2 years of recovery nor he has the chance to build up another dream. He is, forever sick, destined to die in solitude, just like how he was once prefer to spend his free time.

Nothing appreciates this man's life and death other than the mother nature itself. He was born from it, consumes all the sustenance that mother nature has provided him with. Then, when he dies, he returned every single thing to be absorbed back by the world that has once spawned him.

It came in that sad month of April. Because in every April, he remembers this film he treasured with his brother:

Yes, is April again... Every year in April the raining season starts. And every year, every day in April... The haunting emptiness descends over our hearts. Every year in April, i remember how quickly life ends. Every year, i remember how lucky i should feel to be alive. Every year in April... I remember.

Idris Elba brought that epilogue that ends Raoul Peck's Sometimes in April (2005). A story about 1994 Rwandan genocide that kills about 800,000 people. His character, Augustin Muganza lost his family during the event in a very tragic moment.

He shared the Rwandan people's sorrow, we were reminded that there are always much bigger tragedies out there worth remembering, bringing the melancholic side in every of our personality.

So does this guy in April 2013. Not every story has a happy ending, and his story never was, and never will be. For the law of balance, he serve to tip the balance in favour of many other people. Life is a see saw, he has just too much weight.

As always, he compiled his thoughts throughout the years and the moments of despair, April 2005 - April 2013.

Sometimes in April, it rains
Sometimes in April, we endure
Sometimes in April, we face the truth
Sometimes in April, we lie

When it rains
It washes down fading memories
When it rains
It freezes our heart with the feeling we must endure

Sometimes In April...